Supernanny Need Not Apply

I am having a horrible time with Reid. I have always had the toughest time with him. He was a great baby. Since he could walk he has been very independent. He jabbered things that made no sense for the longest and now that he can talk clearly, I am finding I am spending most of my time getting onto him for the things that he says. For example, he is always saying these things:

"You don't tell me what to do."
"You don't tell me 'NO'."
"I am going to do what I want to do."
"You don't talk to me like that." ( He got this from me.)
"I AAAAM!" (When you ask him to do something.)

I am at my wit's end. We have spanked, put him in time-out, ignored, bribed, given treats. I have done everything I can think of. Nothing has gotten him to stop his bad behavior. In fact, just in the last week he has started throwing tantrums (stomping, bucking, etc.). Before it was just some crying and screaming. I think now he has decided it is war between the two of us and he has brought out all of his weapons.

There is a positive side to all of this. He doesn't do ANY of these things when he is with someone else. Guess I am just not cool enough for this 3-year old.